As a stay-at-home-mom, it’s hard to relate anymore to those with “normal” jobs. I remember getting up at 6am, hopping into the truck, scarfing down a breakfast bar, making it to school by 6:30am so I could half-ass the day (sorry, principal), instill knowledge into 15-22 first graders, get them on the bus, prepare for the next day, leave, come home. Teaching isn’t a job you can come home and forget about, but I remember thinking that as much as I loved my kiddos, they truly weren’t mine, and at the end of the day, everything I would teach them would be tested once they opened the door to their own house. And if I was having a particularly rough weekend, or if I just wanted to be lazy (which was every weekend), I refused to go to the school and do WORK. I knew the next week would be hellish because I was under-prepared, but I had the choice not to do work.
Now, my work never ends. I don’t get holidays off. Or summers. Or weekends. Welcome to the world of Mommy. And I don’t complain about this job because I chose it, I wanted it, I craved it. And now that I’ve had it for 7 months, I wouldn’t change it. It’s the ONLY job I’ve ever loved. The only job I’ve been excited about going to at 6am (well, not every day). But despite my happiness, it’s still hard to relate anymore to the people who haven’t experienced the 24/7, 365 days (times x number of years your child is living…what’s the going life expectancy these days?) of parenting. That’s a LONG TIME. And have I mentioned it’s UNPAID????
I’ve been blessed to have many Mommy friends, my own mother, my husband, and others in my life who help me to see the impact that my job has on my daughter. And I totally believe them. But we all have those days that no matter how many times you hear, “You’re doing a great job, honey” or “You’re such a good mom”, you still feel alone, isolated from others who don’t have this job, who don’t know how time consuming, energy-sapping and stressful this job can be. A parent has the hardest job in the world. That baby, who is born knowing nothing other than how to poop and how to suck (even that’s iffy), is completely dependent on the life you provide him/her. All of their experiences, physically, mentally and emotionally are centered on how YOU are as a parent. And unfortunately, since we haven’t made Parenting 101 a mandatory prep-course for anyone thinking (or not thinking) about conceiving, some people suck at it (for lack of a better word). Nobody is born a parent, we must become one. And we must decide how well we want to do our job. I have decided to learn day by day because I cannot learn EVERYTHING all at once (trust me, I’ve tried). I want Ivy to have a mother who is not afraid of a challenge, not afraid to continue learning, not afraid to teach, sing, draw, laugh, play and give her everything I can in an attempt to mold a human being who is everything I could never be. Better.
It’s nice to be validated for the work that is so often overlooked. Today I thank those parents who took the time to create a Better Life for their little ones. Your job is never-ending and I salute you for your patience, endurance and CHOICE to be not just a parent, but a GOOD one.
Great post
I have to remember to say to my husband that he is doing a fantastic job, because he is the stay-at-home parent. I work 20 hours a week as a reference librarian, and study full-time. I am also jealous that he gets to spend so much time during the day with Lucian, and the only time I get with him is when he is brought in to be breastfed and at night before he goes to bed.
Even though I only a part-time parent, it is still a hard job. I still make all the major decisions in the house and I also have the responsibility of being the breadwinner. I love it when my husbands says that I am a good mother.